Why Parenting Styles?
While growing up I was able to see different kinds of parenting styles whenever I hung out with my friends, and I constantly found myself comparing how their parents treated them to how mine treated me. I would often hear my friends complain after being punished or being told they couldn’t do something, and they would always tag the phrase “I’m never going to become like my mother (or father).” Because the parenting styles were so different, I questioned if my parents or my friends’ parents were raising us incorrectly. Some of my friends were allowed to do as they pleased and didn’t receive any form of punishment when they misbehaved, but I also had friends who experienced a completely different form of parenting. Their parents would have them on house arrest and restricted them from even the smallest things, but I noticed that most caregivers, generally, fall between these two extremes. When looking at my friends, they all have good personalities and are well behaved, even though they grew up in drastically different environments. It made me wonder how even though the parents used different methods of educating their children, they were, overall, good kids. Seeing how there are many problematic children, I ended up questioning how much parenting played a role. Even though some children showed exemplary behavior, others seem to struggle with behavioral issues.
The hardest part when raising kids is finding the balance between being supportive and having to teach the child right from wrong. It’s hard to always be understanding with the child, and it seems easiest to just punish the child, or let it slide and not address the problem. Some parents are too lenient with their child, while others are too harsh. Deciding when to be a tough parenting and when to be a passive one can heavily impact the child over time, so it is best to learn how to find the balance.
For a long time people have been researching the topic of parenting as well as which parenting style is the most beneficial to a child’s well-being, while also providing them with their biological needs. It has been understood that parents need to be caring and loving towards the child, but they also have the responsibility to teach him or her right from wrong. Being able to find a parenting style that works for all the different factors while addressing the child’s need for love, care, and learning is difficult to find. It seems that even though multiple children grow up under similar parenting styles some children struggle maintaining their well-being while others flourish.
What’s the Problem?
If we are able to understand how parenting affects a child then we might be able to have a general increase in the well-being of the population, however, if we continue to remain ignorant about the impacts parents have on their children, then we will struggle to decrease depression, anxiety, and other psychological strains.
The way parenting styles have a child’s personality, how parenting styles affect the basic life skills of a child, the impact parenting styles have on a child’s psychological well-being during their adulthood, and how the parenting styles used are affected by the family’s circumstances are all topics that need to be covered in order to understand how parenting styles affect the child, as well as understand why finding the “right” parenting style is not as easy as it seems.
Society needs to understand that parents have a large role to play in a child’s life that extends further than their childhood; it is also important to keep in mind that there are different methods when it comes to parenting, and that finding one that fits the child is essential to their well-being.
Importance of Parental Involvement
Parenting styles are able to influence a child’s personality, which continues to affect his or her social behavior later in life. Carlo Gustavo, Rebecca White, Cara Streit, and George Knight state, in “Longitudinal Relations Among Parenting Styles, Prosocial Behaviors, and Academic Outcomes in U.S. Mexican Adolescents,” that “Mothers who were moderately demanding” were more likely to have children hat showed more antisocial behaviors than mothers who used the authoritative style (Gustavo et al. 578). Gustavo et al. explain that the authoritative style is more likely to promote prosocial behaviors than parents who use a more demanding style like an authoritarian one. Gustavo et al.’s research proves that there is a correlation in the parenting method and a child’s social behavior.
Explaining further, Tanja Rothrauff, Teresa Cooney, and Jeong Shin An claim, in their journal “Remembered Parenting Style sand Adjustment in Late and Middle Adulthood,” that parents create societal standards of behavior and shape and way the child will act throughout their life. Rothrauff et al. state the importance of parental guidance because “parental control helps shape responsible conformity and self-control in children” (Rothrauff et al. 137). The three authors address the need for parental control and that the lack of it will create poor self-control and social skills, which suggests that being a negligent or permissive parent can hinder the child from obtaining skills that are important when interacting with others because of their lack of involvement with the child. By becoming a more interactive parent and enforcing the rules that are set, children will have an easier time cultivating a more social personality, which gives them a higher chance in successful communication and expression with their peers.
Similar to Rothrauff et al., Robert Weisskirch emphasizes, in “Psychosocial Intimacy, Relationships With Parents, and Well-Being Among Emerging Adults,” the importance of the involvement of parents because the emotional connection the child has with the parents have a direct correlation to their loneliness, happiness, and self-esteem level (Weisskirch 3503). Again, this suggests that parents who are more involved, like the authoritative or authoritarian parents, are more likely to produce children who are emotionally stable and sociable.
Parental Attention and Child’s Personality
While Rothrauff et al. and Weisskirch explain the importance of parents’ involvement with the child, Amanda Nosko, ThanhThanh Tieu, Heather Lawford, and Michael Pratt discuss the type of attention that is best for the child and how the parents should interact with the child in “How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways: Parents During Adolescence, Attachment Styles, and Romantic Narratives and Emerging Adulthood.”
Through research, they have discovered that there is a positive correlation between a “warm and supportive parenting [style]” and “healthy romantic relationships in emerging adulthood,” and it is shown that characteristics of the authoritative parenting style “such as trust and child’s closeness with parents, are positively related to children’s higher quality romantic relationships in young adulthood” (Nosko et al. 646). In this case, the warm and loving aspect of the parenting style becomes an example for how the child should act, which is developed in their personality, thus increasing the chances of having a healthier relationship with others.
contrary to the other points that address positive parenting, Julie Desjardins, John Zelenski, and Robert Coplan talk about how misguided parenting styles affect a child’s personality in “An Investigation of Maternal Personality, Parenting styles, and Subjective Well-Being.” Children who grow up under negligent parents tend to be “more aggressive and display more externalizing behaviors” and are also “more likely to commit antisocial acts” (Desjardins et al. 594). When parents are more withdrawn from their child and fail to give them attention, the child does not have a place to learn the social guidelines, which explains their aggressive and antisocial behavior. Children cannot help but to mirror their experiences in their personality. The first people children tend to rely on are their parents. They trust that their parents make choices with their best interest in mind and that they know what they are doing, which is why most children tend to follow in their parents’ footsteps. Keeping this in mind, the child of negligent parent would feel unloved and emotionally detached because that is what they are being taught. Desjardins et al. explain that through negligence the parents are being bad role models.
Parental Guidance and Children’s Learning
In addition to affecting the personality and future social behavior of a child, the type of parenting style determines which basic life skills the child will learn. In “Asian American and European American Emerging Adults,” written by Jillian Shen, Charissa Cheah, and Jing Yu, they explain that “controlling parents… undermine children’s propensity for volitional regulation” (Shen et al. 141). Depending on how the child is guided, the child will learn new abilities or become enabled by their parents. Even though children can digest some skills by watching, sometimes it works best for the child to practice the skill such as : organizing, planning, or making the right choices.
Shen et al. successfully describe enabling by giving an example of controlling parents restricitng a child. Imagine a parent micromanaging everything the child does and scheduling his or her every hour, how will the child be able to function without the parent (Shen et al. 141)? By the parent being over controlling the child is unable to acquire the abilities to schedule, plan, and time manage.
Expanding on the idea that parents need to let their children think for themselves, Rothrauff et al. explain that by children making mistakes and learning from their experiences they learn to “develop independent decision-making skills and internalize control of their own behavior” (Rothrauff et al. 137). Allowing them to fail on their own also gives them a chance to get back up on their own. It’s important for children to be able to learn from their own mistakes, so they’ll be able to problem-solve if they get themselves in trouble, or they will be able to learn from their previous mistakes and prevent the problem from even happening. These are all important skills that a child will eventually need, which is why it’s important to not heavily restrict the child. Shen et al. and Rothrauff et al. do a thorough job explaining why the authoritarian style may not be the most ideal.
While Shen et al. and Rothrauff et al. emphasize the importance of letting the child make decisions and complete certain tasks on their own, Nosko et al. focus on how certain parenting styles cultivate positive social attitudes, while other styles promote negative ones (Nosko et al. 647). By being loving and caring parents the child is able to understand the emotional aspect of socializing and learn the social norms as well.
Having good social skills is very important in all points of life because, no matter how old one is, there will always be someone to interact with. It would seem as though the parenting style with a balance between order and flexibility helps foster healthy social skills.
Parental Care VS Mental Health in Children
Another way parents can leave an impact on a child is by affecting their psychological well-being, which plays a role in their level of happiness in their adulthood. Statistics from Rothrauff et al.’s research showed that “depressed adults were more likely than healthy ones to recall their parents as uncaring and overprotective” (Rothrauff et al. 139). Overprotection combined with the lack of emotional interest in a child can increase the likelihood of getting depression in adulthood. These characteristics describe the authoritarian parenting style. Even though the parents are demanding of the child, they tend to be less emotionally attached and forget to address the child’s emotional state. Not only are they more demanding and emotionally detached than authoritative parents, but they also tend to be more overprotective and restrictive.
Continuing on, Rothrauff et al. also share that “greater parental care rather than less overprotection” correlated with “lower vulnerability for depressive symptoms” (Rothrauff et al. 139), which suggests that the depressive symptoms stem from parents not showing compassion for the child rather than the parents being too restrictive. Although being an authoritarian parent may lead to psychological issues, it seems that being a negligent parent is more likely to cause an increase in the chances of the child becoming depressed. Shahe Kazarian, lamia Moghnie, and Rod Martin explain in their journal, “perceived Parental Warmth and Rejection in Childhood as Predictors of Humor Styles and Subjective Happiness,” that people who feel “maternal and paternal overall rejection” are more likely to report that they are less happy on reports of subjective happiness (Kazarian et al. 80). Children who grew up under parents that were more distant and rejecting of the child were more likely to report that they are less happy, which supports Rothrauff et al.’s argument by backing up the idea that neglectful behaviors from parents can affect a child’s psychological well-being in a negative manner.
Intimacy Level and Psychological Well-Being of Children
Furthermore, Weisskirch discusses the importance of intimacy between the parent and the child. If the relationship is not strong, then the child is more likely to experience loneliness and lower self-esteem in the future (Weisskirch 3505). By explaining the importance of having a relationship with the child, Weisskirch is able to establish that the parent needs to be involved, which implies that being a negligent parent is not the best for the child. Wisskirch’s point also implies that the authoritarian style might not be the best option either because even though the parent is involved with the child, the style does not necessarily promote a good relationship due to the heavy expectation along with the lack of emotional support.
Adding onto Rothrauff et al. and Weisskirch, Filipa Nunes and Catarina Mota share the same ideas and more in “Parenting Styles and Suicidal Ideation in Adolescents: Mediating Effect of Attachment.” Discussing that the strength of the emotional bond between parent and child is negatively correlated with the authoritarian and permissive styles of parenting as well as suicidal ideation (Nunes, Mota 744). Although Nunes and Mota are more explicit when covering the types of parenting, unlike Weisskirch and Rothrauff et al., they all touch on the idea that the authoritarian parenting style might encourage thoughts that hurt the mental well-being, whereas the authoritative style promotes positive thoughts. Moreover, Nunes and Mota discuss the permissive parenting style by stating that it has the same negative mental impacts as the authoritarian style.
Cultivating Self-Esteem
Another important idea is touched on by Joan Liem, Emily Cavell, and Kara Lustig when they talk about how having a high self-esteem is important, and that by being accepting parents who show praise and understanding towards a child can help raise the level of self-worth (Liem et al. 75) in “The Influence of Authoritative Parenting During Adolescence on Depressive Symptoms in Young Adulthood: Examining the Mediating Roles of Self-Development and Peer Support.” Because self-esteem plays a large role in the level of happiness, it is important that parents help develop a strong self-esteem in the child. Through the characteristics Liem et al. share with us, we can say that authoritative and permissive parents are more likely to produce children with higher levels of self-esteem than the other two styles.
The child needs assistance when cultivating their self-esteem, which is directly related to the level of happiness. Depending on the way parents address and interact with a child and his or her problems, the child’s level of self-esteem will either increase or decrease. Parents are able to leave ripples in a child’s life by affecting their level of self-esteem.
So Why Not the Authoritative Parenting Style?
Although by looking at the previous research it’s possible to assume that the authoritative parenting style might work the best, but it’s important to keep in mind that parenting styles differ based on a family’s living situation and culture, which causes the effectiveness to vary along with it. Rothrauff et al. explain that low-income minority parents are more likely to use authoritarian parenting style. Due to the standard of living, a more restrictive style of parenting might actually help promote achievement in school and the safety of the child as well (Rothrauff et al. 138). All of the previous points lead to the idea that the authoritative parenting style is best for a child, but we never took into account how the standard of living and cultural values can change the way authoritative parenting is viewed.
Importance of Personal Values
Shen et al. compared the reports of European Americans and Asian Americans and found that Asian Americans had higher reports of being raised by authoritarian parents (Shen et al. 142). This emphasizes the importance of the values of culture; Shen et al. reveal that different areas prefer different types of parenting styles because the difference in valued ideals. Western values are more focused on independence, whereas Asian cultures are more focused on interdependence, so the way they educate the child (in the house) would be different.
Branching off the idea that the values are different, it is no surprise that the way a child perceives the parenting style might differ as well. In “The Moderating Effects of Parenting Styles on African-American and Caucasian Children’s Suicidal Behaviors,” Leilani Greening, Laura Stoppelbein, and Aaron Luebbe discuss that the authoritarian parenting style help decrease the likelihood of suicidal behaviors in African American children who were depressed, but did not have the same affect on Caucasian children (Greening 367). Because the difference in culture, the way parenting styles affect the child will be different too. Sometimes the parenting style can have a positive, negative, or no affect at all.
Combining the ideas of Rothrauff et al. and Shen et al. with Greening et al., we can conclude that we cannot definitively state that any parenting style is better than another because the child’s perception on the styles of parenting as well as the situation and values of the involved family.
What Now?
After the research I realized that there is no such thing as a “perfect parent” and that neither my parents nor my friends’ parents were wrong. They just had different methods that worked for each of us. Parenting styles greatly impact children in their daily lives by guiding them on how they think and behave. Children learn social behaviors and self-esteem through their relationship with their parents, but whether or not the behaviors are good, and the level of self-worth is high depends on the quality of the relationship. Another important factor to keep in mind is that while teaching children the social construct parents are also influencing the psychological well-being of the child. By showing love and care to the child the parents are helping to cultivate a higher self-worth and confidence in the child and by being negligent parents they increase the likelihood of low self-esteem.
Although parents have a lot of control, so does the standard of living and the cultural environment of the family. It is important to not forget the values of the family and how those values might change the way the child and parents perceive and enact certain parenting styles. Some cultures might support a sterner kind of parenting, while others might respect a more laid-back style of parenting. Because the values, the way a child might be affected by the parenting style might differ as well. When parents choose their parenting styles, they have to consider the child’s personality, the environment, and how their actions will affect the child. In order to decrease the likelihood of a depressed child and increase the well-being of a child, the parents have to help give them a good start.
Having so many variables to consider, it makes it difficult to be able to choose one parenting style over another, but going through the statistics we are able to definitely say that the negligent parenting style is almost never okay. The negligent parenting style promotes depression, low self-esteem, and anti-social behaviors. Since the parents are so uninvolved with the child, they child is unable to learn anything from the parents, and severe, he or she may develop feelings of being unloved and worthless, thus diminishing the self-esteem that should be building up. Negligent parents are a bad example for intimacy, which leads to difficulty in creating a quality relationship with their peers and significant other. The authoritative, permissive, and authoritarian parenting styles might work for a child depending on the situation and the child’s character, which is why it is hard to say that one parenting style is better than the other.
How Do I Pick The Right Style?
Parents should always be aware of how they treat a child, and remember that they have a great impact. They should always consider the different ways that they impact a child, and watch how the child reacts to their parenting. It is also important to keep in mind that a parent can use multiple parenting styles at different times. There are no rules saying that you have pick a style and stick with it. Some situations call for parents to be more involved with the child through the authoritative or authoritarian style, but other times (like when the child needs to learn to do things on their own) it is okay to take a step back and be a more permissive parent.
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